Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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