so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
