Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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