can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
