forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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