I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
