i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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