i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I party with great urgency now.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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