Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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