I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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