so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
