I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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