im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
