I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
