I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize