he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
