I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
