btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
