OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
