omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
