just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
