I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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