I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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