we made out on top of his cat.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
