don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
