why didn't you poke me back
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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