when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
