I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
40s are totally the cure
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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