It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
