break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
