I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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