The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
soo... how was my night?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
