Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Actions speak louder than pants.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
