this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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