So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
