Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
