I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
