She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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