I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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