she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
