Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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