Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I need moral support for this bender
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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