it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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