We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
