This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
And then he peed in my hair
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