I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
