i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
