he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize