i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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