Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
