ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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