Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
