is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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