i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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