i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
