What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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