I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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