Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
