Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
