How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
