I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
